A message sent.

been trying to get over it.. dunno why... but this keeps going on and off.. you are right... why regret when i know it's gonna be like this..? i wasn't trying to make a big joke out of you... it took me months.. trying to get an answer whether to add you back or not... i made a split decision that day.. i stepped back in the end because i was afraid the outcome would be like this... and yes.. as what i expected... i hope you won't get the wrong idea.. it's back... the feelings' back like what i used to feel.. having to wake up every morning and feel bad... having to get to sleep every night and feel bad.. there's a clear thought in me... that you are the only girl that makes me feel like we are together.. like one family... like i don't have to hide anything and not be afraid of being shy.. i felt so comfortable with you... i know i won't find this comfortness anywhere else.. i keep telling myself time will heal... all these while.. bullshit... it didn't.. guess this is not a wound left inside my heart... but a destiny for me to reach for.. and the more i do nothing... the further it gets.. and i hate my feeling...

Saturday...

hmmm.. went to meet loon, jeff, glenn and vincent at marina square... had our dinner den went to slack for awhile.. our plan? going to dxo... after reaching there, hang outside awhile and some guy approached us and sold us tickets at 16 bucks.. which was 18 bucks originally... waited and waited finally can go in already.. actually this is mah first time clubbing... lol.. wanted to try how it feels like... ivan and hazel came after that.. quite enjoying actually.. had some drinks... play cai quan.. laugh laugh laugh.... after that went down to the dance floor and had some fun.. heard got 8 ppl beat one person inside the dance floor... lol.. didnt get the chance to see... .. haaa... around 1+ me and loon went off.. not a bad start... but will not go often.. haaa.. gonna bath... signing out..

Chuck Liddell

Time to step back.

fuck i shall step back. fuck i shall not make a move. hate this kind of feeling. its like a demon layed inside me waiting for it's calling. i hate mahself for doing unneccessary things. things that will only make me feel stupid. feel like a fucked up. fucked up? yes. that's what i'm fucking am right now. each fucking day passes with each fucking emotions added. i shall be what i wanna be and work for it. one day we shall see.

2.7.06

dunno what to update for mah upcoming blogs.. just feel like blogging now... got all mah papers back.. failed one of mah subjects... totally don't understand that subject.. think will retake it for the next sem...

school ended early on fri.. went to tamp mall watch superman with loon and ivan... the show was just alright.. went to j8 meet loon makan ytd... after that went to meet the others at one of the pubs in ms.. planned to watch eng vs por... had a few drinks.. a few talks... after match all of us went home.. today is the day i rest the whole day at home... just wanna slack mah life throughout.. don't wanna do anything... and tomorrow's another day of school.. which i start to feel sick about it thinking of going everyday...

*i've been alright all these while.. but the time when i was out of singapore, i felt lost... i felt that someone that i don't wanna think about started to fill mah mind.. only then i realise the more i wanted to run away, the more i can't let go... i wanted it to be alright.. wanted to take it like a man... but i was beaten down by mahself.. i may look like i don't really care... but the fact i'm afraid to..* 看到你开心，让我觉得不开心。。看到你不开心，让我更加失落。。。 也许应为我太爱你，所以不想告诉你。。